*Cough* Supposed to be doing Spanish, and studying for spanish right now. But oh well. Taking a little break.

Today I finished the book, "Frozen Fire". It was a good book, not the best, but good. Though, it did make me think. Just a sort of weary group of thoughts. Something like that.

Once, one of my friends disagreed with me on my view of 'happiness'. He thought that happiness was something that was long, that was truly peaceful, getting rid of all stress. Or something like that. I thought it was merely short periods of light. I don't know. But now, I think I'm beginning to believe him. Honestly.

Why does the mere thought of you,
Cheer me up?

Even just a little.

Why can't I forget,
And throw it away?

I can't stop it.

Why couldn't I forsee,
That I would still love you?

Even after all this time.

Why did I even fall,
For you, when we were just friends?

And that would have been enough.

Why.

Not a favorite song of mine, it's just okay. But I really like the lyrics.

Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
When I see your smile
Tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm strong
I have figured out
How this world turns cold
and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find
deep inside me
I can be the one

I will never let you fall(let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all(though it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
[to fade]

Hmmm.

Exams. Gah. I got a B on my science one >_>.... And I have Spanish, Math, and English coming up. Gah.

Feeling numbness. Not essentially sadness, but numbness. Just found out that the guy I like is...dating? I think. But it's not like I even see him everyday. I only saw him during the summer. And we only keep in contact on facebook. But I definitely know he doesn't like me. I knew that from the start.

And I can't even count the people I miss. Especially the ones who don't keep in contact anymore.

A Beautiful Lie - 30 seconds to Mars

Lie awake in bed at night
And think about your life
Do you want to be different?
Try to let go of the truth
The battles of your youth
'Cause this is just a game

[Chorus:]
It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me

It's time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much, just say
'Cause this is just a game

[Chorus]

(Oh Oh
The end of the world)

Everyone's looking at me
I'm running around in circles, baby
A quiet desperation's building higher
I've got to remember this is just a game

(So beautiful, beautiful
It's a beautiful lie
So beautiful, beautiful
It's a beautiful lie
So beautiful, beautiful...)

[Chorus]

Wish I could just forget about my past. Wish I could just throw it away. Well, most of it. And most of all, I wish I could stop clinging to my past.

...

Tired. ish. I guess. Just had a tournament in karate today...and I failed >_>. But got to go to sleep, not writing much today.

Eh...Random report.

Whii. Got off a bit early from school for an ortho. Plus we had a party for band today XD. Only a few more days till winter break!

Seems like I'm a little more cheerful today. Hmm. But still just as tired >_>. I definitely failed my math test, for sure. Sigh. Oh well. Can't wait for the weekend, to rest.

Have you ever liked someone where you knew it was infinitely helpless? Not just like they were a popular person, etc. But they were far away from you and you knew you would almost never see them again? It hurts. It doesn't help that you can't see them, and it doesn't help that you really miss them. But that's just a thought.

The past.

Hmm. Haven't posted here, haven't been here in a while. It's winter break soon...well, it starts on the 24th. >_>. Unfortunately. I guess things have been looking up for me more, school has been...okay, life has been okay, I guess.

Have you ever missed the past so much? Like you couldn't bear your current surroundings...and you just really wanted to go back. To see those people who used to be you friends. To live the life you did back then.

Somehow, I've been feeling that more and more. There have been so many people important in my life, yet honestly, I haven't kept that much in contact, and it just isn't the same.

Pipe Dreams

Have you ever had goals, dreams, that you wanted to accomplish...yet you knew were impossible, because of your environment, because of your parents? Pipe dreams.

I want to get out of what people want me to be, and just...do what I want, truly. I mean, yes. What my parents want me to do...I am somewhat interested in. But I want to do something else. Something better.

Pissed off.

Damn it. Today...well, currently I'm really pissed. My dad wants me to do this club at school...yet the announcements said that to those who are 'invited'. He wants me to go and ask the teacher, and yet, as he continues, I'm starting to not want to do this more and more. Why is he so worked up anyways? I'm the one doing it. Not him.

Things have been going up and down recently. Basically everything's the same. Yet I honestly can't hold it in much longer.