Maybe

Audience of One - Rise Against
I can still remember
The words and what they meant
As we etched them with our fingers
In years of wet cement
The days blurred into each other
Though everything seemed clear
We cruised along at half speed
But then we shifted gears

We ran like vampires from a thousand burning sons
But even then we should have stayed
But we ran away
Now all my friends gone
Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from ?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone ?

Identities assume us
As nine and five add up
Synchronizing watches
To the seconds that we lost
I looked up and saw you
I know that you saw me
We froze but for a moment
In empathy

I brought down the sky for you but all you did was shrug
You gave my emptiness away

But you ranaway
Now all my friends gone
Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from ?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone ?

We’re all ok, until the day we’re not
The surface shines, while the inside rots
We raced the sunset and we almost won
We slammed the brakes, but the wheels went on

We ran away
Now all my friends gone
Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from ?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone ?

Maybe our time's run past, maybe we cannot connect like we once did.  We just keep on running away, now.

Never the Same

I was originally going to write about the inspirations I've been having this week... but a wave of nostalgia caught me and I decided that there was someone I needed to write about. 

Back to the three weeks I spent up in PA, I made a really good friend that I think I related a lot to.  Generally, I'm not the type of person to be outgoing and talk to random people.  It was during the lunch hour, I believe, and I was outside on the "quad" or grassy area, sitting under a large tree... watching the sunlight trickle down through the branches.  A random guy came up to me, with his backpack (which he always carried around), and he asked if he could join me.  Eventually we got to know eachother well, and I found out that his class was on the same floor as mine.  And we started eating breakfast together each morning (we both ate early), etc...  If we weren't given these circumstances, I know we would have never gotten to know eachother.  He's living across the globe in Malaysia, and he's not usually the type of person I would talk to.  But I think he amazed me, when I got to know him better.  He has dreams, goals... and he's extremely hard working.  To be honest, there was one thought that flashed across my mind, everytime I talked to him.  He was like a king, watching over everyone.  Maybe it was the way he observed people, or the expression on his face.  I'm still not quite sure.

I remember on the last Wednesday, during the free time we had from 9 to 9:45, there was a slideshow and I decided to go over and watch it.  He saw me, and we started talking again.  He's been searching for a best friend on the internet, and somehow, I spilled everything about Max.  I think that was the final point that made us relate to eachother a lot.  But now that I realize it, he was so much different than me.  I'm so conflicted about my dreams, while he has a straight goal.  And... just our personalities, I guess.  But one thing that made me laugh was when he said he made friends easily with girls, but because of his religion (Islamic), he needed to find a "guy best friend".  Then I told him... "Is it just coincidence that the people important in my life are guys?"  I'll always remember that conversation, haha. 

Now that we're back home, I realize how far apart we truly are.  Some people you feel more comfortable talking to online, some face to face.  I guess he's the sort of person I really wanted to talk to in person.

The reason why I wrote this post about him (which I actually hope he never sees) was because I wanted to cherish the time we spent together and to remember the happiness that will never come back.  Even as much as we want it to, our friendship will never be the same.  It goes a lot like that, for everyone, at some point.  You just gotta let go. 

"This life chose me"

Make it stop,
Let this end.
This life chose me, I'm not lost in sin.
But proud I stand of who I am,
I plan to go on living.

Make It Stop (September's Children) - Rise Against

No words could have inspired me more, could have told me to keep on going.  To push past everything, and go find my life.