Do you know when you really love a teacher or class of people, you're really let down when you don't have them the following year? Sra. Guevara was a really... happy teacher, it looked like she really enjoyed teaching. And now that I'm looking back at my notes from last year, well, yeah... I got really annoyed when everyone had Ms. Guevara this year for spanish, but I don't. Seriously... even people from last year who had her (only one class for the level I took taught by her) have her again this year >_>... except for one person. I mean, my new spanish teacher isn't bad, but the class... just isn't the same. Ms. Guevara was really nice, and I loved the people in my class last year. This year?
I've only been through two days of school, and I am already exhausted. And I only got through 8 periods... (block schedule). AAGH. I hate my schedule, I dislike some of my classes. Don't have many classes with friends, but oh well.
---Odd day---
P1: Science
It's okay, so far. The science teacher is good, (old students said he was awesome), and yeah. Same period science as last year.
P3: Gym
Health last quarter again. =.=
P5: English
Got the better english teacher (yes!), she seems nice.
P7: Comp Sci
Teacher... is strict, but ironically funny, yet really serious...
---Even day---
P2: World Studies
Teacher seems really cool.
P4: Band
Same as usual.
P6: Math
Teacher seems awesome.
P8: Spanish
Let down after last year, teacher seems okay, but hate some people in the class.
Last year's schedule seemed awesomer. Maybe I'm just feeling a bit naggy right now...
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Empty
She's gone. Just... gone.
For some reason...
I feel like everything's falling apart in my life.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Far Away
To be honest, I haven't even really been checking up on things here. Too much... I guess, has happened.
Why are we built as insecure? It's something to think about. Everyone has those deep fears inside of them, at some point in their lives. That they're not loved, that they don't belong, that they're falling apart.
My sister is leaving in a few days. For college. Saturday/Sunday, to be more exact. Now that I realize this, it's kind of... haunting and hollow. My eldest sister doesn't leave till September, but it's not like she's home all the time. I wasn't really close with my middle sister, when we were younger we would always get into fights, though we both loved our elder sister. Now that we're older, we are closer, but I can tell that she always prefers the eldest. Yesterday, at the dinner table, she asked if she could have 2 nights with her friends. Then, my mom... got all lecture-y, and said she had to pack, clean up, etc. She said no, basically. Throughout the years that I remember, one of the faces I had seen from my middle sister was when she was trying to hold in her tears. At points in our lives, we all hate our parents.
We both were similar, our parents both kept on pressuring us (all of us), not too hard, but still, to be successful, to study, to become engineers or computer scientists. Not teachers, artists, writers, etc. I've talked to my middle sister about this before. Why can't we just persue our dreams? There's one face, I'm certain, that she shows... when she's about to cry, or is desperately trying not to. I was never one to comfort, and it's awkward as the younger sister... and I believe she really needed my eldest sister, even though she wasn't there. We spent two years together, when our elder sister went to college. I can't say we're really close, but... close enough, for me to be going to miss her like hell. Being alone in the house is... lonely, to say.
Our family went to Thailand (3 days) and Japan (9 days) a week or two ago. Japan was for my middle sister's graduation present. Japan... was utterly and absolutely amazing. Yes, the heat was... annoying. Yes, we walked a lot. But still. I wake up, sometimes, wishing desperately to be there again. The people, the city, the shrines, the amazement. I want to go back. It feels like... the magic that we held, was gone, once we left Japan. I don't know. My middle sister loved it, I could tell.
When we visited the shrines and temples... I could feel something... different, so to speak. It's strange, but it was enough for me to doubt Christianity. I try to believe... but... I don't know. What right, does the Lord have, to send these people to Hell, just for not believing, and their sins? They have their own religion, their own beliefs. In fact, with Shinto, they believe that evil things are not caused by humans, but by evil spirits. (I did a small research paper on that two years ago) I honestly... can't know. I guess I'm just doubting the very threads of Christianity. Is the Lord kind, gentle? Or is he stern? Did he not raise us to be questioning?
I feel like... I'm far away, unable to make out the fine lines of who I really am.
Why are we built as insecure? It's something to think about. Everyone has those deep fears inside of them, at some point in their lives. That they're not loved, that they don't belong, that they're falling apart.
My sister is leaving in a few days. For college. Saturday/Sunday, to be more exact. Now that I realize this, it's kind of... haunting and hollow. My eldest sister doesn't leave till September, but it's not like she's home all the time. I wasn't really close with my middle sister, when we were younger we would always get into fights, though we both loved our elder sister. Now that we're older, we are closer, but I can tell that she always prefers the eldest. Yesterday, at the dinner table, she asked if she could have 2 nights with her friends. Then, my mom... got all lecture-y, and said she had to pack, clean up, etc. She said no, basically. Throughout the years that I remember, one of the faces I had seen from my middle sister was when she was trying to hold in her tears. At points in our lives, we all hate our parents.
We both were similar, our parents both kept on pressuring us (all of us), not too hard, but still, to be successful, to study, to become engineers or computer scientists. Not teachers, artists, writers, etc. I've talked to my middle sister about this before. Why can't we just persue our dreams? There's one face, I'm certain, that she shows... when she's about to cry, or is desperately trying not to. I was never one to comfort, and it's awkward as the younger sister... and I believe she really needed my eldest sister, even though she wasn't there. We spent two years together, when our elder sister went to college. I can't say we're really close, but... close enough, for me to be going to miss her like hell. Being alone in the house is... lonely, to say.
Our family went to Thailand (3 days) and Japan (9 days) a week or two ago. Japan was for my middle sister's graduation present. Japan... was utterly and absolutely amazing. Yes, the heat was... annoying. Yes, we walked a lot. But still. I wake up, sometimes, wishing desperately to be there again. The people, the city, the shrines, the amazement. I want to go back. It feels like... the magic that we held, was gone, once we left Japan. I don't know. My middle sister loved it, I could tell.
When we visited the shrines and temples... I could feel something... different, so to speak. It's strange, but it was enough for me to doubt Christianity. I try to believe... but... I don't know. What right, does the Lord have, to send these people to Hell, just for not believing, and their sins? They have their own religion, their own beliefs. In fact, with Shinto, they believe that evil things are not caused by humans, but by evil spirits. (I did a small research paper on that two years ago) I honestly... can't know. I guess I'm just doubting the very threads of Christianity. Is the Lord kind, gentle? Or is he stern? Did he not raise us to be questioning?
I feel like... I'm far away, unable to make out the fine lines of who I really am.
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