Letting Go.

Once that realizing comes over, letting go... just feels easy. Just let go, go along with time. I don't know. It happened like a snap of fingers, so quickly and easily.

Still debating.

Sister's graduating on tuesday, I'm happy for her. Can't wait for the summer... I guess?

There are times when the moments you hold, are too dear. When you can't imagine anything else besides it, but you know, that next year, it's never going to be the same. Who knows.

Deep inside, you hold the fear that people won't love you. Deep inside, you're afraid that your friends that you really care about, will think you are a freak. After all, it's the wanting to be loved, that breaks us apart.

But I've had a lifetime of letting people down. A lifetime of wanting to rid of the expectations pushed down on me.

That's it for now.

....Empty Silence? Lol.

Random title, there. XD.

Aagh. 3 1/2 more weeks of school. Such a pain. Still have final exams, and this week, I have 2 projects due (Tuesday and Wednesday) and a Math Test. My science teacher recently came back from having her baby, and aagh.... I'm starting to think that I liked the sub better.

My binder is falling apart.... *cries*

And I'm starting to get busier, and starting to not care about assignments.... which I really should. I've been procrastinating so much, lately.

Good News: Chinese School Ended today! XD Now school needs to end...

I've been okay, recently. Life's hectic. Life can suck sometimes. But honestly, you just have to learn to let go.

Still thinking of leaving that place....

When there's no reason for you to remain at a place, what keeps on holding me back?

Check these channels out:
WongFuProductions
KurtHugoSchneider

Tired. Just so... tired.

As the title implies, this week has been... quite tiring. Amusing, yes, though... tiring. Just like last week.

AAGH. My band teacher is pissed off at me. >_>. I might (am) going to miss the day concert at my school... because of a club field trip. And, this club field trip is really important. Competition, with my teamates. AAGH. And I'm first chair. Do you know how bad that looks? Really. Bad.

Sigh.

Don't know if I even love him anymore. The love... has just worn away.

As time passes, everything changes.

It's a new time. Almost...

Recap.

Happy Mothers Day, to all you mothers.

This past week... I was tired. Weary. Suddenly, I've lost all my answers. Suddenly, I know, that I honestly don't know what to do with this life.

When you're expected to follow a path, what do you do, when you just want to live up to your own expectations?

Is it alright, to just say 'Screw this. I don't want to wear myself out. This isn't worth my time.'?

Is it alright, to be who I am?

I need answers.

And there's only one place, that I feel like I can find them.

And... it's not here.

Don't know anymore.

Everything. Is. So. Screwed. Up.

Only one thing I'm sure of.

I want to leave that place.

It didn't help that today brought me down. It didn't help that I lost to someone whose speech didn't captivate me.

But I thought about it this morning. I never would have fit in, even if I tried hard to be someone who I wasn't.

I never would have felt the same, as I did then.

They wouldn't understand. My online life, didn't revolve around that group. I was there for the role play. For that thrill.

Funny thing is... I remember my first role play. It was there, in a group, that was... okay. I liked the people. So many things, that I remember... And I just enjoyed talking to people, asking how life was. Heck. Though honestly...

My heart left, when RE broke apart.

When Max left.

When I lost so many friends.

When Marco left, countless of times.

When so many groups that I belonged to, broke apart.

And honestly?

I'm tired of this crap.

Never Surrender.

Never Surrender - Skillet
Do you know what it's like when
You're scared to see yourself?
Do you know what it's like when
You wish you were someone else
Who didn't need your help to get by?

Do you know what it's like
To wanna surrender?

I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow
I don't wanna live like this today
Make me feel better, I wanna feel better
Stay with me here now and never surrender
Never surrender

Do you know what it's like when
You're not who you wanna be?
Do you know what it's like to
Be your own worst enemy
Who sees the things in me I can't hide?

Do you know what it's like
To wanna surrender?

I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow
I don't wanna live like this today
Make me feel better, I wanna feel better
Stay with me here now and never surrender

Make me feel better, you make me feel better
You make me feel better, put me back together

I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow
I don't wanna live like this today
Make me feel better, I need to feel better
Stay with me here now and never surrender

Put me back together
Never surrender, make me feel better
You make me feel better
Stay with me here now and never surrender

2 more months. Only, 2 more months.
Since I first, and last, saw him...

Everyday, it's becoming harder and harder to not surrender. Everyday, something always seems to stop me. Only a month and a half left of school.

Next year... nothing will be the same. Ironic, how we desperately try to cling onto things, that never remain.

Screw it.