Winter.

It's that tired weariness, that broken life before your eyes that brings it all down. I never realized that the loss of the cruel, bitter winter would bring sorrow. I've been living in the winter, that numbness, unknowingly. I guess I just wanted time to stop, for the pieces of the past that I have been living in to just... come back. To just leave it. Everything is changing around me. Everyone is moving on. Am I the only one, who is still clinging to those pieces? Soon enough, in 3 or 4 months... it will be a year since I first and last met him. I'm switching on and off, I don't even know this person inside of me. There's that fury that goes and leaves. There's that suffocation of pressure and life, but then at the same time, there's that wild freedom. People are leaving me behind. And some things, I just can't let go of. I just can't.

I never really stood out. I always just wanted to blend in... with the crowd. And I suppose that's why I don't have that interesting personality. There's always that voice telling me, just do what you want. This is your life. But I honestly don't listen to it that often. Even so, I know I'm going to lose sight of who I truly am. But even that, I do not really know.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. I just... don't know. I'm just sick of it.