Trust.

So tired. As always, right? Aggh. Today was okay. Got off of piano because my mom was late XD... school was just okay.

The Hunger Games - absolutely awesome series. Just reading the second book. Awesomeness.

Talked with my mom a bit about love, etc. You know when someone comes into your life - and you feel that it's just for one reason? And not your really loved one. Well, I know that feeling. I really do.

Haven't been feeling that great recently. Not as in physically sick...but just not mentally. I don't know. I just feel that I don't belong, and I will never. Ha. Of course.

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I'm going to start writing. This is the story of my everyday life. I won't write because of the glory. Or just to show off. Or anything like that. I write because I want to be heard. I write because I want to let it all out.

Everything is different. Nothing is the same.
Because I'm a dis illusionist.

I'm not going to create a silly fantasy that isn't at all real. But the things I write, they are how I imagine them. There are bonds, that you always thought you were there. Special relationships, that you thought that were there. But in reality, they weren't. And you end up disappointed. And I won't use real names, real things to the exact detail. Because I just won't. So, in the end...

This is just a story of a girl. Another girl. That didn't ever happen. Right? Ha.

This is for the people I live with everyday. But especially to GL, and mostly, MH. He is the one who makes me who I am, not someone who lost her way. Both of them helped.

Today was average. Hate how I missed a day on Friday, and now I'll have to make up the work tomorrow. Luckily I have blocked schedule. I was out of it today. Just out of it. Don't know where I was...but it didn't feel right. Ugh. Wish we could have missed more school. Selfish, right? Today...I don't know. I felt somewhat annoyed when my partner for gym got taken away by my other friend... tch. Feel so childish when I shouldn't be. But I want to move on. To grow up. To go to college. And move on. Sometimes, I feel pissed off when I shouldn't be. So empty when I shouldn't be. And today...just got reminded of someone. Of James. I still remember, those days when I felt accepted, I felt wanted. I really miss him.

I don't fit in. Not really, not with many people. Maybe at school...maybe. And maybe at home... maybe. But with my cousins? Not really. I don't want to go into that. The sin weighed down, tch. Anyways. But I don't fit in at church, which I go to only during the summer. I don't fit in at Chinese school, because I feel insanely stupid. And most of all, I don't fit in with another group of friends, not at school, but just a group of friends I hang out with. I don't belong. I can feel that emptiness, gnawing at me. I'm not wanted, I don't fit in, I'm not one of them. And it's lonely. So lonely.

And honestly, the tears I want to fall only fall when I don't want them to. And when I start to slightly cry, I think of James, and that really makes me want to cry more. Ironic?

That's all.