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Whew.  Haven't posted in a while.  In the recent weeks...

My birthday came and passed, once again.  It was... quite hectic, actually.  I got a lot of gifts that were epically awesome from my friends.  Plus... I got my locker decorated.   I must say, it was a bit embarrassing when I had to get stuff out (there were random people in the halls saying Happy Birthday to me)
Both my sisters came back for their Spring Break - they came and went like a blur.  I always hate it when they leave, but it always happens.  Even in the summer, I don't get to see them as often because they work.  But we had fun, in these... two weeks.
School has been incredibly busy (kind of).  I'm sort of worn out, but luckily it's the end of the quarter.

Just yesterday, during my English class, I had the class competition for the Dramatic Arts Festival.  Each year, there is a theme.  Each student must pick or write a piece/poem that fits into one of these three categories:  serious, humorous, or original.  There is a class competition, then the winners compete against the other English class in that same period.  Those winners go to the grade level assemblies, then those winners compete against eachother.  Last year I made it to the grade level assembly.  This year, there were so many good competitors in my class, I don't know how well I did.  But even id I don't move on, I think I made an impact on the people I spoke out to.

These days, these days somehow just drag on or blur together, like paint.  Today, I went down to see the cherry/sakura blossoms which were in bloom.  It was cold, but the blossoms were beautiful.

My memories that I had hoped would be burned into my mind forever... they're starting to fade.  The worst thing is, I can't do anything, neither do I feel much.  

I would also like to shout out to Japan.  I honestly hope that whatever can be done will be done.  The nuclear plants are reacting... and there are people who still are to be found.  Please, don't let them suffer anymore.   

Dream

"When you dream, don't just dream, dream like you mean it."
- Benson Chou, TIZ (The Imaginary Zebra)

Some people can inspire so much.

One day, 

Some day,

I'll follow my dreams and show the world.

I'll show the world what I can be.

Define

There's this heavy weariness that's fallen over me, one that won't fade even after hours of sleep.  This numb pain that only comes when it's not welcome.  Tears that won't fall, no matter how much I try.  I keep on trying to make myself believe my own lies, but how long can I keep up this facade?  Sometimes I'm screaming so hard but no noise can be heard.  I'm so weak.  I'm so weak that I've always tried to push my problems onto someone else, and hope that they would be solved.  I'm so weak that I've let myself be thrown around, pushed to others' expectations.  I can't even say goodbye, nor accept the fact that he'll never reply again.  Whenever I check my email, I always feel this tug of wanting to see his.  I'm so damn weak that all I've ever wanted was to be understood, and even loved for what I was.  All I've ever done was cause pain to my ownself, just stuck in this tug of war.  I learned pain too fast, grew up too soon. 

The funny thing is, death is all around us.  I remember those small instincts I've had, when I was walking through the street.  Should I have stopped in the middle, and waited till a car run over me?  Or should I have jumped into the water, to drown myself.  But I know that running away isn't the answer.  Nor is... inflicting pain upon myself.  I'm too weak to even do that.  All I know is that I'm running, but going nowhere.

I am a tree with no branches, with nothing but my roots to define me. 

Voices

Since when did having friends cause so much discomfort?  What happened to the laughter and good times?  They judge me by the books I read, but when I read different books, they complain about those too.  They judge me by the clothes I wear, instead of my character. 

Sometimes, the voices looming all around me become too great, become to loud.  Sometimes, there's this great weariness that I cannot overcome, yet it is taking over me piece by piece.

Everyone telling me what to do, their voices becoming shouts of anger, their remarks becoming pain. 

Lack of inspiration, words that won't come out of my mind, art that won't become lively. 

Just piles of memories,

Trying to be remembered.